I enjoy writing just to clear my head. It's where I can express myself without any judgement!
I love to love & love to be loved! :) So enjoy if you'd like & contact me if you want to chat.! xo.
here and where you are.
I caved and I emailed you. But I’m glad that I did. I hope it doesn’t end up being one of our cycles of not letting go, because we need to right now…
We are talking about our relationship, realizations and regrets.
I’m happy to know that you finally realized what was going on in our relationship. The pausing, the distance, the messiness, the other toxic influences. I’m also happy to know that you regret it. & that you wish it could be different.
I want to restart, just like you do but it’s not that simple. We cant start fresh right now. We need space and we need to work on ourselves before we can jump into any kind of relationship with anyone, let alone each other.
I so badly want to be with you and only you, for the rest of my life but this is what’s best.
I know I am strong and I can stand on my own. You are starting to realize that about yourself too.
I just want to be happy and I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with each other.
If it’s meant to be, it will be.
I miss my best friend.
I don’t know why it’s so much harder now. The week prior, I was pledging my independence with confidence and able to reassure myself that I will be just fine without sadness. Now I sit here and think, well of course I will be fine but I miss you & the life I pictured with you.
It’s my fault for believing too hard, right? The hopeless romantic in me wanting love to win. Wanting love to conquer all. Sad truth, sad reality… It didn’t. It doesn’t.
I sit here defeated in our ended love story.
Why is it that my mind decides to become masochists creature? Replying and reliving every memory? The good followed by the bad. Is it trying to convert my thinking? Trying to reprogram me into remember there was bad with the good. That the bad out weighed the good…
I am truly tired from trying so hard for you and I know this will be better for me in the long run but it’s so hard knowing that you will not be in my life, ever.
I woke up this morning, half in a day dream…
Of me at the lake, taking my time just to think… and you showing up. I know that would never happen but it was a nice thought.
It made me wonder though, if our souls are still connected. If we think about each other at the same time. Or think about the same thing at the same time.
When you were in boot camp briefly, I used to look at the moon and wished you could be looking at it too. Cheesy as it sounds, I wonder if you think of me when you look at the moon. Or think of me when you look at anything.
Okay, enough dwelling on the past. I’m surprise on how well I’m actually handling this. I think I mourned the lost of my lover a while ago, but I haven’t mourn the loss of my best friend. I miss them both. But I’m getting through my days, I’ve only cried once. I’m staying busy, keeping up with school. I’m happy other than missing you.
We finally talked today. We finally got our closure. I don’t know why it was harder to say goodbye than to just not talk to you at all. I hope you find yourself. I wish I could be there.
It’s been a while since I’ve written here. I’m not sure why I stopped. I feel like this blog has been a dedication to my relationship with Ariel but it’s time for that to stop.
After 2 and a half years of dating on and off, Ariel and I are finally done. I’m okay though. I feel like I have mourn the loss of my lover long ago and now I’m trying to readjust my life to not having my best friend anymore. It hurts and I feel like she will always be in my heart but it’s for the best. Even though we ultimately want the same things in the future, we are not compatible now. She will always be 4 years behind me in her maturity and that’s fine. She has that right to develop and grow at her own pace and it’s not fair for me to try to rush her. It became too hard to try to be healthy and us again because there was so much to work through. I am fine though.
I only cried once thankfully. And I haven’t had an intoxicated ball fest either tfg. I’m trying to remember that I am worth the world and that I am ultimately happy, with or without Ariel. I will always be me and I am loved by so many. I kind of sound like I’m tooting my own horn but I really have relied on self love this past week to get through all of this. I gotta remember that I made an impression on her life and I made her confidence go up. She will remember that and she will think of me.
I think the hardest part is letting go of the person that knows you the best, the person you’re most comfortable with. She made me feel beautiful inside and out. But I know someone else will see that too.
I feel like my aura has changed. I used to come off as unavailable and uninviting, But now, I feel like I’m more welcoming. I feel people becoming drawn to me. In fact, three girls have shown interest in me now that I’m officially and completely single. The attention is really nice. It’s refreshing to hear nice things about yourself from people who are interested in you.
I doubt I will be dating anytime soon. I need some me time right now. I think my friends are holding secret bets behind my back to see how long I will be single though. Lol. What can I say? I’m a lover!
Other than my love life, everything else is going pretty well. My living situation is fairly comfortable, I have an easy job that’s super flexible with my schedule and school is going great. School is quite difficult but I’m confident in how I’m doing in my classes.
I really can’t wait for the New Year though. It will be a fresh start for me. I will be in new classes at multiple campuses and picking up an extra day with work. I will be closer to graduation!
I can’t believe graduation is in a year. I am so excited and nervous but ready. I am ready to create a life for myself. Just me and I am a-okay with that! I don’t need anyone else right now. I need to establish myself first before I can combine my life with someone else.
I’m okay folks. I will always be okay.
How You Relate to a Partner with Venus in Sagittarius: This combination is one of the more difficult ones. There can be considerable attraction at the beginning, but some major disconnects in terms of values and relationship styles are likely over time—nothing insurmountable, of course! The common ground you share is a desire to learn through your relationship and a willingness to talk things over. Your partner values your keen insight and you can have some wonderful conversations. Your Venus in Sagittarius lover, especially, gets off on the sharing of ideas, and enjoys philosophizing. You are certainly the more practical partner in this pairing, and your partner may find you a bit of a stick in the mud at times. You may complain of his/her blind faith in the relationship, preferring that your partner live in the here and now. You value effort put into the relationship, and you can’t help but see all of the “little things” that make up its whole. Your partner, on the other hand, prefers to think of your partnership in grander, larger terms. This can be very annoying for you! You will likely disagree on how to spend money as well. Your partner is not a save-for-a-rainy-day type of person by any stretch of the imagination (unless Saturn is aspecting his/her Venus)! Your lover needs space and at least the illusion of freedom. He/she is very threatened by any attempts to confine him/her. Needless to say, your partner will be much happier if there is a strong feeling of growth in your relationship. Making plans and defining goals may help, but attempting to control or cage your partner in will have unfavorable results.